Sex is not like pizza… or an oil change.

“Need me to check under your hood?” – a question Showtime’s Hank Moody might ask.

So I was thinking about sex recently, and about what’s required to actually have good sex, and whether it’s different in real life compared to TV and the movies.

On TV, sex seems to often be portrayed as something purely physical, like eating pizza or having someone change the oil in your car.  When you’re way overdue for an oil change, it’s such a relief to get it done.  You stop off at your favorite shop, get everything handled down there, thank the mechanic, and drive off to your next appointment, relieved and happy.  :P

But is that really all there is to sex?

“There is a joke attributed to Yankees coach Yogi Berra that goes:  ‘Sex is like pizza.  When it’s good, it’s really good.  And when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.’ 

Unfortunately, sex is not really like pizza….”1

Although some of Mantak Chia’s books focus primarily on techniques, this one also gives some relational advice:

“The practices [of sexual yoga] require a profound connection of body, heart, mind, and spirit, which is difficult to achieve with even one partner, let alone many.  According to the Tao, one profound sexual union is better than countless superficial ones.

“The anonymous sex that has characterized much Western sexuality is diametrically opposed to the kind of physical, emotional, and spiritual connection that Sexual Kung Fu facilitates and requires.  Whether you are exchanging bodily fluids or not, you are always exchanging energy.  So choose a partner wisely.”2

Also, at the risk of upstaging everything here:  Alexyss K. Tyler and her mom talking about “penis power”.  I haven’t heard anybody talk about sex this openly before, outside my spiritual teacher.  This is not on the BoT but touches on the possible benefits of choosing a partner along the lines Mr. Chia spoke of.

Questions for consideration:

  • Does TV tend to portray sex in a misleading way, as something without any emotional component or exchange of energies?
  • What does Mr. Chia mean when he says “The practices [of sexual yoga] require a profound connection of body, heart, mind, and spirit”?  Is this actually true in your experience?  (Please feel free to disagree.)
  • If we think of sex as being like an oil change, something without emotional or spiritual ramifications, could we get into the kind of trouble Ms. Tyler describes in her video?
  • My spiritual teacher used to say you have to have both love and desire in order for profound, healthy, spiritually-compatible sex to potentially occur — either one without the other doesn’t work.  What do you think?

BoT Student

  1. Excerpted from The Multi-Orgasmic Man, by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams.  (New York:  Harper Collins, 1996.)  As included in The Basket of Tolerance, the Epitome of Traditional Wisdom list, section “on controlling the vital”, by Adi Da Samraj.
  2. Ibid.
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